We could spend much time talking about the hurt, pain, confusion, and perhaps even feelings of betrayal that you or a friend may be experiencing as a result of marital problems. But, bottom, line, you want the answer to question, “How to save your marriage?”
The very specific answers to that question can vary from couple to couple. However, there are general relationship and life principles that apply to couples in most every situation and can be helpful for you now.
- Force yourself not to make important decisions about the future of your marriage while the emotions are running so high. Give yourself time to settle. Spend time with yourself and clear you mind enough that you can make decisions and have conversations without ramping up the emotions to a level where there can be no communication. So, do your best to calm you emotions.
- Take a realistic look at the state of your marriage. You may need professional help for this, or at least professionally written guide books. Know that the majority of marriages go through really rough periods and this doesn’t mean that the marriage has to end in a divorce. Yes, it’s possible that your marriage has gotten to the place where it will take a while to mend. However, many times, with the right counsel and information you may find out that things were not really as bad to repair as you might think. So, don’t panic and take a realistic look at your marriage. With the right counseling information you may find how to save your marriage more quickly than you think.
- Make the decision not to lash out in anger. And maybe you are not the partner that seems to be consistently causing arguments. But whether you are or not, each spouse should make the firm decision that no matter what they are going to do everything they can to look at the situations or problems at hand and take the focus off of the failures of each of the spouses. This is not to say that there should not be substantial changes in the behavior of a spouse. However, if one spouse is consistently lashing out in anger about the actions of the other, levels of communication continue to get worse and it becomes even more difficult to speak about the root problems of the situation.
- Do not put off taking action, hoping that things will get better. Certainly there are seasons of life when marriages go through difficulties, when there are ups and downs, and some times are harder than others. However, if the problems have continued for quite a while, take steps to get help. And just by the very fact that you are on this website may mean that you are taking this advice seriously and you can begin the process to heal your marriage and have a better marriage. If you seriously and genuinely are seeking how to save your marriage, then each partner should take their responsibility for their part of the marriage conflict. Even if you think that the other partner is mostly to blame, you may find that a degree of humility in speaking with your spouse can bring down barriers and many times soften the other partners emotions. This is in no way admitting that this is all your fault, but even if you can show a willingness to concede even small things in which you can work on, then many times the doors can open up better for communication.
- If the marriage has come to the point where a partner has been unfaithful, you need to get professional help. However be very careful, research and choose the proper help. You need someone who is not just a counselor, but a professional in relationship counseling. Adultery does not automatically have to signal the end of the marriage.
- Fill your mind with proper truth and marriage saving techniques and stay the course. You need the truth in your mind.You need to focus, commit, and meditate on the truth of what it will take for you to heal your marriage and have a happy one. Especially if a spouse has been unfaithful, or if they have just been inattentive for so very long, your emotions may tell you that it is impossible to make it work, or impossible to get back the love that was once there. However, if you are one spouse or a couple who will commit to learn how to save your marriage, it can be done. Couples have proven time and time again that this can be done. As referred to on our home page, please click here to get great encouragement from the words of Dr. Lee Baucom, and for testimonies of many who have made it and come out the other side in a happy marriage.
You can make it! Please see our HOME PAGE for more information to help you through your struggle.